there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I supernannyed him into submission
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
