Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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