i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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