my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
