I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
