you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
