I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
