Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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