i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
