I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
