glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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