This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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