i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
