we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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