i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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