I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The air was thick with penises
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
