When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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