Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
How external is "for external use only"?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
