Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize