What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
