Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize