I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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