when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
