I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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