Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
