How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
