you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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