He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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