the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
