I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
