He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
