Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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