Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Alive.
So much puke
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
