u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
