yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
