What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
