i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
