good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
