I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
