there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
