Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
