you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
