i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
