If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
