Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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