Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think I sprained my soul last night
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
