And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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