Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
