My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
