If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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