you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
