He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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