so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
