I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
