I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
