They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
