There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
