my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
