This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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