im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
