my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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