I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
