tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This is the high leading the old right now
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
