I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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