this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
