Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
