you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
