Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
