He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i need some magic done to my vagina
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
