oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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